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[pointedlook]

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NAME
ARTHUR

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telepathic message

[opheliac]

[a thought seem to be coming through from... somewhere.]

Why am I feeling like this? This is good! This is what I wanted. I had to break the cycle, and...now I'm here. Everything is great! Everything is how it should be.

... So why do I feel like shit?

[pointedlook]

[ Well, this seems like walking the knife's edge to reply. He's still not 100% sure of how Jinx will react to things—mostly, he doesn't want to add to the distress she's already in a spiral over.

Also, the whole telepathy thing still creeps him out a bit. Worth a shot in replying, though. ]

Miss Hot Topic?

[opheliac]

[huh. so people can be tuned into her mind even when she's just sitting here alone and thinking. that... sucks, actually. jinx could say nothing and pretend he got the wrong person. and she almost leans to that option, but...]

Listening in, pretty boy? I bet this is every guy's dream. Getting to know aaaalll the dirt and cracks on what a girl is thinking about, so you come in and sweep her off her feet. One way to cheat into her heart.

[pointedlook]

Not on purpose; your thoughts were pretty loud.

I'd rather not find out this way, it feels ... invasive. Affection shouldn't be cheated.

[opheliac]

But that's what we do anyways, right? When it comes to the heart and the real butt of things. We Cheat. Lie. Abandon. Hurt.

[pointedlook]

Is that what everyone in your life has done to you?

[ Arthur may not be the most cuddly person, but if that's her truth–well, he feels an acute pang of sympathy. Not sorry for her, not in the way that feels facetious.

No, more sorry that she's ever had to know such callousness. It must be lonely. ]

note: for the video—just watch "dead inside". from the beginning to 2:48

[opheliac]

[seeing that thought, that question, it's like old bile drifting up her throat, and she wants to spew it out of her so she wouldn't have to sit with it. but she gulps it back down into her stomach, back to the deep pits of it.

but her mind wanders still, wheeling through the events of her life. jinx wants to lie and say that he's wrong, but with everyone being so linked, there's no hiding, no real privacy. so the bluenette keeps her silence and hopes a well will miraculously manifest underneath her and then swallow her whole. anything to abstain herself from opening up any more than she has already.]

lays down in the rain tbh

[pointedlook]

[ Dealing with emotions has never been something he's excelled at. When he was young, he was angry at everything, everyone, at himself for always flying off the handle because he couldn't deal. The military showed him how to box it up, set it aside, give it a lever for appropriate pressure release. It meant he was either too cold or too blunt or mistaken for both.

It means here, faced with the sharp shards of Jinx's life as she unfurls the cracked stained glass of her story, he doesn't have any words that will help, not really. All he can do is listen to someone who's been shouting on mute to everyone around her. ]

I'm sorry. That there wasn't anyone in your corner.

[opheliac]

Sorry? Pft, what for? I don't need anyone weighing me down. And besides, a ride with me means there's a dead end heading your way. And we don't want any more bad days around here now, do we?

cw: suicide mention, video has gun violence (you can stop at ~1:15)

[pointedlook]

[ Her mention of a dead end makes him think of Cobb, how he's spent the last two years of his life following his friend in the wake of Mal's suicide, trying to keep the both of them alive. How through it, he's been haunted or shot by Dom's projection of her, tarnishing the image of his best friend, who had been so lovely in life.

How this last job could mean Cobb's choices were going to make them end up stuck in limbo, trapped in their own heads until someone pulled the plug. ]

Going through life like that–it's miserable. You don't really believe there's a dead end if someone sticks with you, do you?

[opheliac]

[she doesn't fully understand what she's seeing, only that arthur was in a sticky situation once upon a time, and this woman... well, jinx would be a liar if she didn't like her spunk. the way she paced around with a pistol with such class and shot someone without missing a beat—something jinx has done so many times in her life.

and suddenly, the feeling of vulnerability strikes her, her left hand searching and gripping for her trusty gun, which is nowhere. she doesn't feel whole without it, or any of her weapons for that matter. and with this city being more barebones than zaun, jinx isn't one hundred percent sure if she could replicate them again. arthur's thoughts yank her back to her reality, and she sags more into her seat, her snark bleeding through.]

You wanna ask the five people who've tried to get close? I'm sure they're around here somewhere.

[pointedlook]

And if I do? What do you think they'll say?

[opheliac]

Maybe something like "Surprise! We're dead, stupid!! How's that for a twist? A real gas!"

[pointedlook]

Do they think you did it?

[opheliac]

Of course they think I did it. I killed them. Every. Single. One of them. It's always me. Everyone who gets close to me dies; that's the rule.

And it's the only rule that I can't break. No matter what I do or how hard I try, my curse won't let me die. But everyone else around me will. It's what I get for being born. I wasn't meant to exist, so it punishes me.

[pointedlook]

Did you pull the trigger?

[opheliac]

I've pulled the pin, I've pulled the trigger, and other times, I just blink.

You've got to keep your kills spontaneous, you know.

[pointedlook]

What do you mean, you just blink?

And was it because they were getting too close? Or because they got caught in something by getting too close?

[ There's a difference. ]

[opheliac]

For being Mister Smarty-boots, you're really missing all the marks. You're scoring the fives, tens, thirties, but where's the bullesye, the K.O, the Full House?!

You can't be this poor of a player. I've got money riding on you, Pretty boy, don't disappoint me.

[pointedlook]

And is that what you want? Some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy?

[opheliac]

I don't want to fulfill anything. Everyone keeps telling me that I can rewrite my story or... or I can be good, I have potential, and I should use all of my skills to help people when that's not how I operate. I break things, I destroy things, and I ruin people's lives. that's what I'm good at. It's all I'll ever BE good at.

I've tried the hero business once, and all it got me was more...pain. More lives lost. So it doesn't matter what I do. Helpful or not, people will die because of me.

[pointedlook]

Look, I don't know what your situation has been, and I'm sorry you feel like you've been backed into a corner.

[ Because that's the picture he's getting, with her edge of desperation. Her anger and hurt and the need to lash out to put it somewhere other than in the echo chamber of her skull. ]

Just—people die. They do it all the fucking time, whether you did it on purpose or by accident or even if you did nothing at all. [ Inaction is an action. ]

Life sucks; the house will always win if you keep playing with the hand they dealt. Load the die. Count the cards. Pay off the dealer.

[opheliac]

Unless I break the cycle, and I did.

Even if this place sucks ass, if being here means my sister, Ekko, and Sevika can live happy lives without me screwing it all up back home, then I'm fine with staying. So Pretty boy, what about you? You wanna push your luck too?

because the next time we meet, don't say I didn't told you so when you find yourself covered in bullet holes.

[pointedlook]

Did it end up the way you wanted?

You think they won't miss you, if you stay? [ He thinks of Mal, saying she has to leave. Has to wake up so she could see the real him. Sighing, he puts that from his mind. ]

I've been shot at before, that's not new.

[opheliac]

They're free from me, that's what matters, and they have a chance to have normal lives.

I know they'll miss me, but... I'll always be with them.